When we first met, I ignored his flirts and excused them as typical behavior of a Latino male; they are flirty my nature, so no need to read into his behavior. It was harmless fun but something told me that he had a girlfriend (women's intuition never fails). Over time, we became close, talked on and off the field and developed, what I thought, was a true friendship.
A friendship that, somehow, never discussed our dating status.
A few months later his flirting became more aggressive leading me to believe this "girlfriend" was out of the picture. He told me how beautiful I am, how I am just his type, I'm smart, funny, adorable... everything a girl wants to hear. Needless to say, I was beyond thrilled when he finally, after 4 months of flirting, asked me to "hang out" (or in his words, "come to your apt Friday night and cook you dinner.)
Dinner + Friday night + my apt...Was this, could this be, a kinda, sorta date? Finally! I was beyond excited and Friday couldn't get here fast enough.
But first, there was Wednesday, and Wednesday would be the first time he would put a big dent in my heart.
Having only ever seen each other at softball, he asked me to send him a photo of myself wearing regular clothes. Obviously, I requested the same.
Later that night, trying to figure out what to wear for this "date" (yes, I was definitely calling it a date at this point) I was hanging out with a male friend of mine when he asked to see the photos of my crush. We sat in front of his computer, me grinning from ear to ear, him pessimistic and anxious, as he flipped through one photo after another. And then flipped through them a second, and third time.
He said, "Um, he's wearing a wedding band in this photo."
................
heart. stops.
................
You know how they say it's 'mind over matter'. Well, when you want something to come true so badly, sometimes you are blind to the obvious. No, I didn't see the ring in the photo. No, I didn't notice him wearing a ring during the dozens of times we played softball together. Maybe it was there, maybe he is just really good at disguising it, or maybe I am just too naive to think that men cheat on their wives to look for the tan line.
I asked my friend to drive me home immediately and as the tears welled up in my eyes I mentally told him off a dozen times for hurting me. No, he didn't cheat on his wife with me yet, but we had a dinner plans scheduled less than 48 hours away. I am not that kind of girl. I believe in love, marriage and commitment, I am not a cheater nor a home-wrecker in any way. Even more hurtful, was that I thought we were friends. We talked for 4 months before our "date" and yet the subject of wife, marriage, wedding never came up.
The next day I was determined to confront him. I wish I would of had a great opening line like Charlotte York in Sex & The City, but all I could come up with is, "Um, are you married?"
***
The rest of the story is filled with so many lies I wouldn't even know where to begin. I can tell you that he claimed he was in a tricky divorce. We stopped talking for awhile, and the rekindled when he was really getting divorced.
This time, I believed him.
No one else did, which kept me on my toes and always asking questions. I checked in every so often with, "So, you're still on track with that divorce? You're still separated and not living together?" and his reply while dishonest, was always consistent. Like any true player, he had an answer for everything. He had his testimony down pat and never slipped up. I tend to believe that people are genuinely good and honest, it is a trait of mine that is both optimistic and naive.
After a year of "hanging out" with this "divorced" man, the truth was finally revealed.
He is, was, and always has been married. (Thanks for letting me know Facebook.)
I am most hurt with the fact that he lied to me, over and over and over.
If you want to cheat, well shame on you, but don't bring innocent people into it. My heart was already damaged enough without the added guilt and sadness that he attributed.
Lesson learned, always check for the ring finger tan line.
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